Not Playing Games

There are two common mistakes often made when communicating with people with disabilities.

The first is “patronizing”—sometimes described as “talking down.” The second is “pitying.”

I have yet to encounter anyone who makes these mistakes with ill intent. However, I would like to ask: just as many of our automatic behaviors unintentionally hurt those around us, could these also be inadvertently hurtful to some? Beyond causing harm, could these attitudes reinforce societal biases or even pave the way for new ones?

Sometimes these two mistakes are very obvious, and other times it takes an external, neutral perspective and reflection to notice them. What is truly dangerous is when these mistakes become normalized over time.

For example, the phrase “our brothers and sisters with disabilities” contains both patronizing and pitying undertones. While rare, do not be misled—this kind of language can appear frequently in various contexts. I have witnessed its repeated use firsthand.

Between August 28 and September 8, I eagerly followed a major event: the Paralympic Games.

Whenever I could, I watched the games and felt immense pride in our athletes’ determination and achievements. At the same time, I was equally disheartened to hear commentators repeatedly use the word “brother” when referring to athletes with disabilities. I do not doubt their genuine intentions, nor am I in a position to criticize their knowledge of the games or rules.

So what changed? Why does a commentator refer to an “Iranian competitor” at the Olympics, but switch to “Iranian brother” at the Paralympics? These athletes prepare for their competitions with just as much dedication, relentless effort, and sacrifice as Olympic athletes, putting everything on the line for a medal.

To reassure you, if it helps… this issue is not unique to us. Around the world, there is a language confusion deeply rooted in biases against disability. The International Paralympic Committee (IPC) even confirmed this on its official account, which inspired me to write this piece. On a red background, the message read with the hashtag #NotPlayingGames:"Paralympians have often been described by media as participants and not competitors. At Paris 2024, it's time we set the record straight."

It is clear that we must make much more effort to change the way we communicate with people with disabilities. I have assigned myself the task of periodically writing about disability communication, starting with this post.

If effective communication is about clarity, emotional connection, and delivering an original message that resonates with the audience…

Then yes, the Paralympic Games have concluded, and what remains in my mind is the determination, ambition, and tireless spirit of all our athletes, the extraordinary success of our athletes who won a total of 28 medals—including six gold—and the term “brothers and sisters.”